Bad Ass = Being Vulnerable

So I have been thinking about what it means to be a bad ass  really thinking about it and what it means to me right now and why it is so important to me. Part of it is extending myself past my comfort zone – I used to do this all the time and then I stopped I let people get in my head and started to doubt myself – well no more.  I am entered in my first ever swim meet!!!  Crazy – at 50 years of age I am going to compete in a swim meet.  When Coach Stewart - - mentioned the swim meet I will be honest I thought hah- no way.  But to his credit he said why hah?  He said when you sign up for a half marathon or and Ironman are you planning on winning?  Um no.  He  said well this is the same thing – so I thought what the heck why not?  Put me in coach!  So I am registered to complete in 400 and 800 free and 100 back – if nothing else it will be an adventure!

The run streak you ask?  - today I finished day 95 of my run streak.  Why because it is one of the things that is keeping me moving forward and focused.  It is allowing me to get up each day and continue to strive to be the best person I know how to be.   But the other part of me becoming a total bad ass is to start being true to myself and realizing that I am a worthy person and I don’t have to do this alone, that the people I thought I would move forward with may not be the right people to move forward with and that it is okay to be vulnerable.  I have been working with a counsellor and she told me about Brene Brown and told me to listen to her Ted Talks on Vulnerability and Shame.    

I did and they were awesome – “Vulnerability is not weakness but the most accurate measure of courage”  now that is bad ass!  Being vulnerable – letting people know you are scared and hurting is showing courage- and the more that I think about it she is right.  All my life I have been told and believed that you handled things on your own, you did not cry, you did not complain and you sucked it up and that made you a strong person.  Do not bother others with your troubles and  you carried family and loved ones and protected them, kept them safe – sometimes to your own detriment.  That to be worthy of love these were things you did and I now know that is not true. That sometimes even despite doing all those things that it just was not enough and you need to cry, then accept it, forgive and then move on – that is strength.  That true strength is to reach out when you need help to say that hurt and I need to cry and I am not okay but I will be.   To say I am worthy and I deserve better and I deserve help is okay.  That is bad ass and I am learning and determined to be the strongest and most amazing bad ass I can be.  So thanks for reading.

Peace out


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